I’m sure I’m not the only one who has those few nurses that are complete flirts with the doctors. They call them by their first names, touch them, and even sometimes go out with them outside of work. Sometimes it can make me very uncomfortable because I see my relationship with the doctors as strictly professional.
Not that long ago, I overheard a doctor asking about me and whether or not I was married. I found that completely inappropriate. I don’t know if I’m just overreacting, but I don’t think this is something that should be going on at work; our main priority is patients. I don’t want to have a bad relationship with the doctors (obviously I work with these people everyday), but where does the line have to be drawn?
Who’s responsibility is it to keep the nurses and doctors “in line”? Let me know any of your experiences or your thoughts on the situation …
December 1st, 2008 at 9:59 pm
As a nurse of 20 years, its usually not really romantic. You will find as time passes that nurses and doctors now work as peers in an effort to give full patient care. They use first names and some are touchy feely. Sometimes this is banter activity to ease the close relationship that exists in the hospital between the two professions, but generally, in 20 years I’ve only seen a handful of drs and nurses that actually crossed the line. And those were single people getting together. When you work with someone on a continual basis, they like to know about you so the dr can see if he can trust you to walk the gray line that comes with the job.
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:28 am
Please! This is what is wrong w/ the nsg profession. Don’t you think that engineers, lawyers, etc have relationships w/the people they work with? Of course they do. My wife and I met at work. Women in nsg need to get over this “thing” that “I’m a professional, look how many degrees I have”,etc trying to prove themselves.
Here’s a hint. Do your job, do it right, and excel in it and people will respect you, regardless of what you have behind your name. And stop whining if someone hits on you. Most intimate relationships, regardless of where they start, are started by someone asking someone else “hey, you think she/he would go out w/ me? Or what do you know about so and so?
December 2nd, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I have a very close working relationships with the doctors in the ICU where I work, and have worked for the last 20 years. Yes, some nurses do call the docs by their first names but that is because the docs have asked us to. I personally still call them “Dr.” so-and-so. I do socialize on the outside with a few who have become friends over the years, and we manage to keep it very professional at work. There is inappropriate behavior in the workplace in all professions. If you experience inappropriate behavior where you work I am sure you have procedures to follow to take care of it. Nurses and doctors can have personal relationships that don’t include sex as it is portrayed on tv!
December 14th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
If it were like TV, it woudl just be crazy. It goes on everywhere but Hoolywood sensationalizes everything. I am sure what Rosanne described is pretty typical as itr reflects what happens whenever people work together in a professional or non-=professionla environment.
January 18th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
This is old school: All nurses should be women and all doctors men. The nurses must wear heals and dresses at all time, on and off duty…they are nurses and professional every moment of the day. Always give up your seat for a doctor and if he comes on to you, you do what you need to do to make him happy, or you stand loosing your job. Truth be told, many a doctor had their way with some of my fellow nurses decades ago, both on and off the floor/unit, with or without genuine consent. Times have changed and now we are in charge of many hospitals after doctors gave up their seat of power.
February 13th, 2009 at 11:57 am
I think that the fact you are uncomfortable with the type of relations comes from inexperience in the hospital, from what I can gather. It’s hard to say exact situations that you’re referring to or to what degree someone was ‘to the line’ but when I introduce myself to someone and they reply with their first name– I call them that one to one, but around other professionals with patient care involved, mostly Dr. _____. You have to learn what is appropriate for each situation, its not cut and dry. Some prefer to be called by a certain name. I’m not sure if you have ever worked in charge yet (I was as soon as I changed from Grad Nurse to RN) and this has changed my view on doctor/nurse relationships. Usually the more the doctor knows about you, the more they trust you and realize you are a person. They are less likely to talk rudely and shuffle off your concerns as well.
Personally, I ask doctors if they are married or have children, or where they studied school as first questions to break the ice. Its ok to be professional, most of us try to be at all times, but we can still be human at the same time. Humans joke, make mistakes, laugh, cry… that doesn’t make us less professional in my eye. We still get the job done, and I can come out smiling and less stressed out. When a doctor calls me by my first name, I feel good about myself because they REMEMBERED it.
One question: do you find talking to nurses about their personal lives is unprofessional? I think its equal playing field these days. …And as another lady said, we don’t have to pull out chairs for doctors anymore, so we have to treat and think of everyone the same. Treat them as you want to be treated. If you’re paranoid/worried, people will sense that and it comes off as untrustworthy. I’ll stop my ramble now. Good-day!
February 13th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
…OH about flirting…
I think inappropriate behaviour IN FRONT OF PATIENTS is always inappropriate. Flirting, having a discussion about errors, discussing rude behaviour on either side, etc. has a time and place and should be done away from patient/family ears, and depending on the content of what is spoken with schmoozing the other– maybe away from staff as well. Shouldn’t common decency kick in? Everyone harmlessly flirts, or puts play on words every now and then too. Its human to get goofy.
I’m not one to take personal phone calls while on the clock– I’m being paid to work, so that’s what I should be doing, but not everyone feels that way
April 11th, 2009 at 4:30 am
hi! i’m a fresh-graduate of bachelor of science in nursing. when i was a student having my clinical exposure, i assisted a surgeon while he did incission & drainage at the ER. while he was making the incission and i sponged, he asked me to explain the pathophysiology of dengue, as his colleague’s patient was diagnosed with dengue shock syndrome. thinking this was a chance to impress the other nursing students from other schools, i discussed the disease process in details. impressed, he smiled and said: WHAT SCHOOL ARE YOU FROM? i told him where i was studying. then he continued: WHAT YEAR ARE YOU IN? i said i was in fourth year. then he asked: SO HOW OLD ARE YOU? and i said 20. then out of the blue he asked: DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?
being a bit uneasy because the patient, the patient’s relative, the clinical instructors and the other students suddenly looked at me, i said: NO. I WANT TO BE A NUN!
with that, everybody laughed including the doctor. the uneasiness lifted, we went on saving lives.
i learned that he is the jolly-type doctor and he is also very kind to his patients. i assisted him again in the OR and he said: DON’T GET FREAKED OUT. IT’S JUST SURGERY. JUST HAND ME THE INSTRUMENTS CORRECTLY. and so, i realized that i shouldn’t feel uneasy around him. he’s just kind. one just has to understand that this kindness must not be interpreted as a move to hit on you. one just also has to handle the ‘do-you-have-a-boyfriend’ question correctly.
that doctor now calls me ‘SISTER’ and sometimes ‘MOTHER’. i don’t misinterpret his kindness. instead, i am thankful that i work with a kind physician — not one who thinks he is god ’cause he’s a doctor.
July 28th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Be careful if you flirt and date the docs. Here at our religious based facility there have been several nurses mysteriously departing after “after hours” meetings with married doctors here. And those married doctors….they are still here and still flirting.
July 12th, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Crossing the line isn’t all bad! I’m a nurse in L.A. and have been working in a prestigious internal medicine office for 3 years. I’ve been having an affair with the doctor for the last 2 years. I know it sounds crazy - I never thought I could do something like this and now I’m in too deep. I’ve known all along he wouldn’t leave his wife and kids but for some reason I let it go on and on the entire time we worked together. The best part was getting away with looks, touches, kisses, etc at work. It all fell apart about a month ago so my heart is broken and have to find new job.
October 28th, 2010 at 3:11 pm
I am in england.
People cant help the way they feel for any one. I remember having a crush on a Doctor when i was in my eary 20s and he knew it. We nevelance or word about the situation. but i remember shaking like a leaf whenever we had to do a procedure together. He was posted on the ward i worked on for 6 months. He left and i never saw him again. I believe we acted professional. Anyway i had a partner and a child. but it never stopped me feeling the way i did. I m now 53 and often talk about it and enjoy the memories. I dont think we should cross the line. Love Hurts an it is a microwave ralationship full of lust.
December 5th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
I understand how you feel because things can get very messy if you let yourself get involved in relationships with coworkers. I really respect you for not following the crowd and remaining professional. Doctors are like anybody else in the world, some are jerks, some are nice guys. Being a doctor does not change their morals or who they are. My problem is that my husband works with women similar to what you have discribed. Not all of them are nurses, some are office personnel and other sorts.
I am married to a good looking doctor and he always tells me about nurses and other employees flirting with him. It really annoys me. I sometimes ask how they look and most of the time they are not attractive. Once in a while one is but he says “nothing compared to you” lol I will never know. People tell me I am beautiful but at the same time I realize there is always someone more anything, and that it’s not all that matters. He always tells me about his day, and the flirting is sometimes part of it, but I tell him I want to know everything. I would rather know, that’s just me. What makes me feel better is that he always says that if it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t be where he is and someone else might just be after him because of his title. I have been there from the beginning through all the hard times and have helped him with research, abstracts, personal statements. He always reassures me about how much he loves me and we have a great relationship. Even still, sometimes I cannot believe the lines they give him and he just laughs and says yes she really said that. He’s a very serious, quiet person and I really hope he never falls for it. I just wish some of these women would give up already. If he was single I really don’t see anything wrong with innocent flirting, but he is married. I wish they would respect that.
December 22nd, 2010 at 9:58 am
As Ms Bancroft says, we’re there for the patients, but we’re also there for each other — we’re a team. We should try and know each other and take care of each other. There’s a lot of pain and grief and frustration all around us — sometimes it’s better to talk about each other’s kids.
About 70% of all relationships start at work; nurses and doctors work together closely in emotionally charged situations and one would assume romance will follow in some cases, for better or for worse. Having a relationship with someone you work with is not in and of itself unprofessional.
I frankly think there would be more of these relationships if doctors and nurses were not so prone to pushing each other’s buttons. I wrote a haiku on call the other day:
Ocean of misery,
Nurse checking Farmville account,
Will not bring teaspoon.
(What can I say, it was funnier after 28 hours in the hospital.)
March 15th, 2011 at 9:29 am
I am in total love with one who seems to know, tries to get it out of me, but self control is my middle name. It hurts, hence I am looking for another job. Lay awake at night thinking about what could be,and spend the rest of the day deep in thought about him. The rest of my life is getting left behind while I live in a day dream. He is already getting it on with one of the midwives- am I silly or what, and I suspect he might be married too, but I just cannot shake the feeling. I am married with kids- cannot believe how lame I actually sound.
May 22nd, 2011 at 3:53 pm
i have been working in our hospital for more than two years now..
i can say that we have a lot of attractive and nice doctors..
i believe, sometimes if not always flirting with the doctors happen..due to some circumstances wherein we became busy and that’s the only thing we can do to divert the busy work..i received also a lot of rumors fr co-workers when i became a friend of one doctor and he kept commenting on my photos and status in my facebook acct..i believe that, as long as you know your boundaries and limits.. and you have faith in God..you’ll not be into nowhere..
September 21st, 2011 at 7:57 am
I am a young nurse, started working in a hospital about a year ago (first job out of college). During The first few months of working at this hospital I had one of the MD put his eyes on me, the way he looked, talked and approached me was professional but different. We had casual conversations about our patients, it escalated to questions like where I attended school to how old I was. He was going to reference me for a job i was applying at a different hospital, didnt get the job, my job search conversations lead to us flirting and texting, then calling, after an uncomfortable sexual conversation I the nurse put a stop to the whole thing, we are both married and after I told him how disrespected I felt our work relationship is very ackwars, he ignores me and I ignore him, but the attraction and fantacies we both can tell are still in our minds. Yeah he has nurses after him but guess what I have Doctors after me! Including my own husband who is a Doctor in pharmacy. And that makes the MD mad. Bitter sweet situation.
September 21st, 2011 at 8:14 am
If you don’t carry your self with respect as nurses we can fall into a lot of trouble; emotionally and professionally. Yes, attractions are going to happen but it’s best to keep your head straight and not ruin his family and yours over lust and attractions, trust me these MDs will move on to the next nurse very quickly. As for That Doctor I flirted with whose fantasy was to see “his nurse” bellydance for him, his fantasy will probably go away once he finds another nurse to have on for private duty.
December 30th, 2011 at 10:10 am
People in all countries get the loan in different creditors, just because that is easy and fast.
January 7th, 2012 at 7:20 am
doctor nurse relation should not include SEX. it should be good working relation.
January 8th, 2012 at 6:36 pm
A Dr at work became very interested in me about a year ago , in fact as I’m a married nurse it took a bit of a light bulb moment for me to put the pieces together, I am working on a surgical unit ,he is a medical resident so I coln’t understand why he was spending so much time on the ward when most of the time he hadn’t even any patients there. Things ecame OTT fot me and I asked to meet him to try and explain that I was married but before I could he said he hadn’t noticed anything, no skin off my nose, thought the job was done only to find him EVERYWHERE……completely got the wrong idea and I felt like a plank for even trying to make contact but felt I had to as was literally sick to my stomach any time he was around for fear my fellow collea ould notice something…which inevitsbly they did. Trouble is he is gorgeous and probably the most decent DR in the hospital but clearly with all the hours he works has lost the know how on the ‘how to get a date’ vibe. Recently he paid me a visit after his hours to ‘chat’about a patient who was completely fine and when I turned to ask him something he was dangerously close for comfort…i almost passed out,he made his return days after and I semi ignored him and have been haunted by his parting glance eversince. Dangerous game this work infatuation drama my husband knows about it I just want to be careful not to hurt him or affect his reputation in anyway, I think ignoring him is the inly way to go even though I hate to do it as it;s cruel……as mydad would say don’t s**t on your own doorstep