“Dear Deanna: My Nurse Manager is so unapproachable that she scares me. We never know what she is thinking or if she even likes the nurses that work our unit. What can we do?”
Being a Nurse Manager is not the easiest position in our profession. You must first remember that your Nurse Manager is trying to make two groups of individuals happy. First there is the staff that she manages and then there are the administrators to which she answers to. It is like walking a tightrope. If he or she has been a Nurse Manager for a short period of time, say less than a couple of years, I would attribute much of her “hands off” approach to not really being sure as to how she should interact with the staff. Should she be “all about business” all of the time, or should she “adjust to the tone” as needed.
I personally had some difficulty with this for awhile but it was due to believing my staff did not really want me out there intermingling with them. I didn’t like the disconnect so I told myself, “hey, I happen to like the people that I lead and I want to be a positive part of their workday.” I started eating lunch with them, talking about our personal lives, and laughing. Over the past few months I truly believe that my staff are much happier and that we truly have an “easier” relationship because they now see the human side of me.
Get your peers together and ask you manager to have lunch….the only thing that she can say is no. Let her know that you want to get to know her. The ice will be broken and you will see a new manager that is more approachable…. Let me know how it turns out.
Got a question for Deanna? Leave a comment and she’ll get back to you.
October 24th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Deanna-
Do your staff still have the respect for you even though you mingle with them? I know that my boss says that in order to stay professional it is not great for anyone in management to be too friendly with the nurses that they manage. Can you give me your opinion on this?
October 24th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Hi Tamara, that is a great question. My staff have more respect for me now than ever. I am there as a resource for them always and they know that I take my practice quite seriously. The saying goes, “there is a time and place for everything.” They know when I need to be all about business and they know when we can laugh together. We have a very clear understanding and even when I am giving them advice I make it fun. We base everything on evidence and they are getting very used to me saying, “We can make the change if you bring me the evidence.” The most important concept is respect. If a manager truly has the respect of her staff she can certainly set the tone of the situation. I hope this helps with your question. Maybe your manager can take a look at my response too. Take care!
Got a question for Deanna? Leave a comment and she’ll get back to you.
November 16th, 2008 at 12:09 am
I have 2 ACMs and two manager in our P4 surgical services unit. I work in PACU, and our ACMs work in POH. We feel that since the ACMs function as staff, in POH, they are more concerned with the issues there, than in PACU or PACU II.
Our unit gets short staffed often, and our staff used to work in POH.
I have been an RN for 33 years, and maybe I’ll just tired of managers telling me how to do my job. These 2 have been seen doing many questionably inappropriate things, For example, a staff member had surgery here, and a coworker took a picture with her cell phone while she was in PACU. She showed it to the ACM, and they both had a good chuckle. We were horrified. But how do you tell a manager she is being inappropriate?
Today was the last straw. I worked with an RN who volunteered to stay over after working midnights to help us preop and take care of 23 hr pts going home. During her shift at night, she called the ACM to get permission to stay over. During this conversation, the ACM told the nurse she could stay, but she was not to help ME. I was called in early Sat to preop a heart PT, which I had never done before. I was expected to do the preop by myself, since I SHOULD KNOW how to do every thing. She said I would try to get the other nurse to do it.
I am appalled that she would discuss an employee with another employee.
Never mind that someone who is not proficient would be doing something as important as preoping a heart PT.
The thing is, how do I confront her? And do I at all? Do I just suck it up and keep my job? Or speak out, which would also get my coworker in trouble?
I am thinking of preparing my resume and looking elsewhere.
All the nurses get along, we have to, to get the patients through, but our managers are just thorns in our sides.
Thank you for letting me vent. It feels better to just write it out.
November 17th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Hi Kathy, thank you for sharing your frustrating story with me. I would first like to commend you on your 33 years of commitment to the art of nursing. Unfortunately, what you are facing is a situation that is becoming all too common. Let me ask you a couple of questions. How long has your manager been in management and how long has she been in nursing?
I would never give the advice to “suck” any situation up. It is best to address this type of horizontal hostility head on. Remember to begin your conversation with “I.” Example: “I felt extremely hurt to find that you were talking badly about me to one of my peers.” “What has caused you to have this animosity toward me?” Trust me, your manager will look at you with eyes and mouth wide open. The next phrase should be, “I feel that you have set me up for failure by advising one of my peers to not offer me assistance.”
Remain very cool, calm and professional. Make sure that this conversation takes place in private. Let me know what her response is as this may result in the need for “Plan B” to be implemented.
I will be awaiting your response. Take care Kathy. I am here for you.
Deanna
Got a question for Deanna? Leave a comment and she’ll get back to you.
November 22nd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Thanks Deanna, for your advice. I will wait another week or so til I can calm down. I am fair-skinned and when I get emotional, my face gets beet red. Right now I can’t discuss the situation calmly, and I don’t want to get out of control.
Thanks
December 6th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Hi Kathy, I have given you a couple of weeks to calm down. How are things going with your manager. Have you taken my advice and approached her? I hope that things are better for you in your work environment. Please let me know.
Concerned…
January 1st, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Interesting..I wonder Deanna, if you would think it would also be in Kathys interest to have another person present during the discussion? Perhaps someone with authority, such as an upper level management team member.
I would also document the occurences, keeping a copy for myself, handing it to the manager in question, and give a copy to upper level management. Thorny managers should be exposed, and it is difficult to effectively change anything if the incidents remain isolated between the manager and staff nurses.
January 1st, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Hi Kathleen, you are right on the money. If the facility that Kathy works in has a nursing union I am sure that she has sought consult. At this point, if the manager is still conducting herself in the unprofessional manner that Kathy spoke of, I would hope that she has spoken with someone from the HR department. Kathy, if you happen to be reading this, we would love to hear where you are with your dilemma. I am here for you…
June 15th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I am having the same problem with my PACU manager..I have been advised not to meet with her alone. I have been verbally bullied by her..and a female Dr. I and having to deal with a lot of issues after having been in nursing since 1973. I don’t deserve it but I still can’t talk to my directer. She is popular and..Good luck, Theressa
June 15th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Hi Theressa, unfortunately circumstances similar to yours are surfacing more and more in the health care world. Effective January 1, 2009 for all accreditation programs, The Joint Commission has a new Leadership standard (LD.03.01.01)* that addresses disruptive and inappropriate behaviors in two of its elements of performance. It will NO LONGER be tolerated. Yes, Theressa, you are protected. Please refer to http://www.jointcommission.org/SentinelEvents/Sentineleventalert/sea_40.htm
There are nurses that have been in our profession for many many years and have mistakenly just assumed that this is a type of behavior in the nursing profession that we all must accept. Wrong! We are humans that deserve to be treated with respect. I hope that this helps.
June 29th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
I’m a new nurse manager and would some ideas to use when i meet with my employees for the first time. Any ideas? I would like to make the hour fun and exciting and not just a boring introduction scene.
June 29th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Congratulations on your new role Julie. It can be a very rewarding position as long as you follow a few simple rules: 1. Respect your staff, 2. Never reprimand in public, 3. Be trustworthy, fair and 4. Eat lunch with them once in awhile and talk about life outside of work.
Okay, your first meeting will set the tone. Make sure that there are snacks and drinks available and that it is in a comfortable room. Start by emphasizing that it is all about team effort. Always use the words “we” and “our” when referring to your unit, budget, etc. This makes them know that the responsibility is everyone’s. Set your expectations and communicate them to your staff. Set goals as a group and develop a plan to obtain those goals as a group. Do not make hasty changes. Gain their trust and respect first and always make yourself visible. Good luck!
Let me know how the meeting goes and please do not hesitate to come to me for advice.
January 9th, 2010 at 5:47 pm
hi
I need some advice we have been trialing a new nursing structure ie a NUM for two wards a CNC which covers both and a CN ..
All of whom are not visible on the ward teh majority of times and none of who support the staff with workloads and skillmix etc . I have been notified that the NUM is going through survelence tapes checking to see who dropped tow cigarette butts in teh car park. Is this a legal activity and what can we do about it . ( PS it was a patient who did it )
The whole structure is up for review soon and the staff are very dissatified with it and want it reverted back to a NUM per floor . how do we go about this without seeming vindictive.
January 9th, 2010 at 7:24 pm
Hi Violet, this situation seems to be causing you a lot of frustration. I would first check with your HR Department or reference any pertinent policies available that address the surveillance in your facility.
As far as the nursing/management structure in your facility, it is difficult for me to assess due to the fact that I am uncertain of the demographics. When you and your peers finally bring your concerns forward make sure that you present your facts in a bulleted and logical manner. Do not enter any personal opinions. Be professional and be prepared to offer examples if necessary. If you can offer any other specifics, I would be glad to assess.
March 16th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
Is there any way to get advice without posting it?
I have a manager situation that I would not like to make public yet, but I really, really need help fast.
March 16th, 2010 at 6:20 pm
Absolutely! deannawilliam@gmail.com